Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. John 7:24 (ESV)
1. “How many times have I told you not to leave your coat out? Hang it up in the closet!”
2. “When will you ever learn to put your dirty clothes in the laundry hamper instead of in the middle of the floor?”
3. “Get in here right now! Why is this school stuff left out on the counter?”
Question: What do all these quotes have in common?
Answer: Me. Being a legalistic, judgy mama.
When I read the stories of Jesus, I am often exasperated with the Pharisees. These judgy religious leaders are constantly focused on the minutest laws and man-made rules. It feels like they don’t care about people at all, just about everyone following all their rules.
What does Jesus say to the pharisees?
Jesus heals someone and the Pharisees freak out because he did this miracle on the Sabbath (no work allowed). A man is completely and miraculously healed and instead of being in awe of the power of God, they are angry and accusing. Jesus totally calls them out on it:
Jesus answered them, “I did one work, and you all marvel at it. Moses gave you circumcision (not that it is from Moses, but from the fathers), and you circumcise a man on the Sabbath. If on the Sabbath a man receives circumcision, so that the law of Moses may not be broken, are you angry with me because on the Sabbath I made a man’s whole body well? Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:21-24 (ESV)
Here’s the thing: The Pharisees are breaking the law of no work on the Sabbath when they circumcise on the day of rest. They make an exception because they value the heritage and example of Moses and circumcision law more than the Sabbath laws, even though the circumcision could wait until the next day.
Jesus heals and restores the life of a man. His whole body restored. He is made whole and healthy and capable in a moment. But the Pharisees don’t see the value in this man’s life. They only see a broken rule.
I can totally relate.
I would never have thought of myself as a legalistic type person, but sometimes I react to my kids just like the Pharisees responded to Jesus.
I am more concerned about my rules and orders, instead of the content of their hearts. I get busy and overwhelmed with my to-do list. Then, I totally react in anger and accusation when I feel they are disobeying.
Bubbling over with judgment and legalistic pride, I berate them without listening or considering what is going on in their hearts.
Guess what those three examples in the beginning had in common?
My kids may not have been following the letter of the law, but they were following the spirit of the Lawmaker.
1. “Mom, I’m sorry I left my coat out on the chair, but it was wet from the rain. I thought it needed to dry before I put it in the closet.”
Law: Put your coats away in the closet as soon as we come inside.
Spirit of the Law: Take care of your coat so it doesn’t mess up the house or get damaged.
2. “I was in the middle of changing clothes, when you called me to help you. I was finishing the chore you gave me before going back to put those clothes away.”
Law: Dirty clothes go in the clothes hamper.
Spirit of the Law: Be obedient and helpful.
3. “The instructions said to let the experiment sit out before recording another set of results. I was waiting to put everything away until it was completely done. I didn’t want to waste time, so I was doing some other school work while I waited.”
Law: Clean up after yourself.
Spirit of the Law: Do a thorough job. Use your time wisely.
In all three instances, my jumping to conclusions in anger and accusation made me totally miss that the heart of my children was not to disobey or rebel against my authority. I didn’t even give them the chance to explain, which made me feel even more guilty when I found out what they were actually doing. Pharisee, much?
A Happy Home is a Pharisee-Free Zone
Our home is so much happier and healthier when I can push aside my pharisee ways and listen to the heart of my kids’ actions. When I can take the time to respond peacefully and calmly to perceived (or real) disobedience and use it as a teachable moment instead of accusing and attacking.
What about you? Do you ever find yourself being a Pharisee mama? How do you keep from responding in anger when your kids disobey?
Action Step:
The next time I feel my anger rising, I need to take a time out and reflect. Why am I angry? Am I just seeing my rules, or am I seeing the heart of those around me? Maybe if we can take a breath and look at motives rather than just reacting, we can create the happy, healthy, Pharisee-free home we are long to have.
Prayer:
Dear God, thank You that Your word challenges me and helps me to become more like you. Its a slow process to be sure, but You are transforming me from the inside out. Help us to hear Your prompting to take a breath and respond like Jesus instead of like pharisees. In Jesus’ name, amen.
If you missed any of the chapters before this one, go here to see John 1-6.